Dear Boss:

I think you are awesome.  Thanks for always giving me the reject cookies and offering damaged pies, misfits & mismatched whoopie pies to my family.  That makes me feel really special.  Thanks also for filling the break room with gobs of candy.  So healthy!  I have learned so much from you – thanks so much for teaching me how to scoop cookies and how to pipe linzer hearts.  My hand muscles will never be the same.  I think you’re really smart and admire the fact that you chose teeny tiny bags for packaging.  So cute!  I’m pretty sure my hands will fit into the bags any day now.  In the meantime, I’ll keep contorting my knuckles like you showed me and hold the cookies between my pinkie & the tip of my pointer finger.  Of my left hand.  Cuz my left hand is smaller than my right hand.  I’m so glad you noticed that and pointed it out to the whole crew.  Now I know what to talk about next week when I see my therapist.

I love it when you start daydreaming (at 8am) out loud about what you’re craving for lunch…nothing makes the morning fly by faster than hearing about nachos, bbq chicken pizza or cheeseburgers right after I finished breakfast.  I think it’s great that you’re always doing some kind of cleanse too…I’m sure everyone doing 21 day cleanses and eating chia seeds also talks incessantly about pizza, ice cream, coffee and diet coke.  See?  You ARE normal…just like you always tell us!  (Don’t worry…I don’t think anyone else noticed you drinking coffee this morning.  Your secret is safe with me.  Clean eaters, unite!)

Have I mentioned how much I love the color hairnets you ordered?  Well done!   I always wanted, er, to wear a hairnet for blonds.

Another thing I wanted to compliment you on are your impressive phone skills.  I am always amazed to see you running around the bakery, looking for one of three phones.  You have gotten so fast!  And, for what it’s worth, don’t listen to what everyone else says about you being a phone-hoarder.  I think it’s clever and efficient of you to have a phone in each down vest pocket and the third phone either in your hand or in your apron pocket.  That’s what all real bosses do…pretty sure about that.

Finally, National Boss Day would not be complete without me complimenting you on your sick dance/gallop skills.  Wow.  Mmmmhmmmm.  Speechless.

I like you so much I think your husband should buy you a puppy.

With deep gratitude –