This summer has caught me off guard a bit.  There are so many pieces moving in different directions, and it’s been challenging trying to keep everything together.  Instead of feeling relaxing, the summer has felt slightly frenetic.  Three weeks ago, I was reviewing one of my to-do lists.  It seemed that I wasn’t making any progress – every task that I was able to accomplish and cross off the list was replaced with two or three new items.  I was in the process of re-writing this list on a clean page in my notebook when I realized that something missing.

What was missing was me.

Every single item on the list revolved around the kids, the puppies, work, the house, lacrosse, skating, PMC training-avoidance, PMC training/fundraising nagging, making doctor & dentist appointments, scheduling lessons, vacuuming dog hair, buying gifts, paying bills, etc etc.  And yet, not one thing on that list had to do with anything ‘for me’.

As I wrote task after task, I noticed that there was a small tiny voice in the back of my head saying – damn.  wish I could do that.

Next realization – who said I couldn’t?

The elusive work-life balance continues to hover just out of reach, and it’s getting old.  Life keeps happening, whether my office is clean or we have a good-enough selection of food available for the kids to eat.  I can spend my life wrapped up in what seems immediately important and relevant, and if I make this choice, I need to be prepared for the consequences.  Absence can make the heart grow fonder, or it can simply dull connections and highlight missed opportunities.

I have made the decision to add me to the list.  I have made time to start working out & cannot thank Alisha & Taylor from The Movement Project enough for being supportive, helpful and for making the transition from not exercising to working out again as painful as it needs to be to remind me never to stop exercising again.  I have started learning how to play guitar, something I’ve always wanted to do.  I’ve enjoyed lovely days off from work and cherish these experiences with my family and friends.

It’s a constant struggle to try to be the best at everything, to be the perfect mother, boss, friend, daughter, sister and still have time left to enjoy life.  I envy others who seem to do it so naturally and effortlessly, and hope that I will someday figure out their secrets.  Until then, I’m going to start by making sure I am at least somewhere on my list.