22 years ago, mid-blizzard, my first child was born.

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Just like that, I was a mother. He was my son. Everything was different.

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He was 6 weeks early, apparently determined and on a mission. It was the perfect introduction to what parenthood is really about: being prepared for whatever happens; releasing any thoughts of having control; being grateful for ‘what is’. 

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Two years later, Jacob became a big brother and spent time sitting on our dining room table, constructing parades with his Brio trains, toy cars, and trucks. 

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Two years after this, Jacob began pre-school. Not surprisingly, his teachers could not assess his scissor skills because Jacob refused to be lured to the arts & crafts corner. I worried and silently wondered if his lack of scissor skills would negatively impact him in the future.

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Elementary school, then Junior High. Brio trains, then Lego’s. Rescue Heroes, Beyblades, Pokemon & Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Karate, then football. Books upon books. Throughout it all, Jacob’s personality remained the same: quiet, serious, driven.

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High school flashed by (for me, anyway). Before I could conceive what was happening, I was trying to figure out what a mother should wear to a high school graduation. I sat with the other parents and family members, heart racing, peering through the sea of heads to get eyeballs on my firstborn. Wasn’t it just yesterday that he turned our dining room table into his parade? No longer a child, Jacob now sported a jacket and bow tie (classic Jacob), and as soon as the ceremony ended, completed his outfit with the ritual celebratory cigar.

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Freshman year of college. Decisions about what to study. Decisions about what potential career path to pursue. Decisions I became privy to only when he determined that it was ‘appropriate and necessary’ for me to be in the information loop. Sophomore year followed soon behind Freshman year, and Junior year will come to a close in two short months. It’s just occurring to me now that I am only a blink or two away of needing to figure out once again what a mother wears to her oldest child’s college graduation ceremony. I sigh with relief that I can finally say that lack of scissor skills has not held him back. 

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So much change in what feels like so little time. However, what is truly fascinating to me is how much key parts of Jacob’s personality have remained steady, constant, and (at least for me) predictable in the most comforting ways.

♥

Jacob, your intensity is balanced by your compassion, your drive to achieve is balanced by your relentless curiosity and willingness to learn something new, your solo warrior nature is balanced by your deep understanding of what it means to be an older brother, a son, a grandson, a loyal boyfriend and an accepting, supportive friend. Wishing you an amazing year. Before you & I realize it, we will blink, and I will be back here at my computer, writing another tribute to your 23rd year. Love you.

xoxo

mum