I have realized something that I’m not quite sure I fully understand: 

I like feeling uncomfortable.

The feeling of discomfort shows up in so many areas of my life, not by random coincidence, but because I have willfully turned in that direction. 

Feeling uncomfortable makes me feel alive.

Athletically, I love the long, grinding bike rides that feel too hard to finish. I crave the hills, knowing how challenged I am in the climbing department. I go out for a run after it being so long since my last run that when I finally locate my sneakers, they are protectors of impressive dust bunnies. I physically and mentally cannot step outside to run a mile or two. Both brain and body rebel, I clench my jaw and determine five miles is my target. Lungs burning, legs out of gas, I push myself to finish. It’s all I know.

I thrive on feeling challenged.

Baking-wise, I love trying new techniques and recipes. If something doesn’t work, game on. Backtrack, evaluate, re-group, roll up those sleeves and start at the beginning with new information guiding me to hopefully a more respectable end result. Frustration remains a long way in the distance as each hiccup quickly morphs into a new piece in the puzzle. 

I think I would be good at chess…if I understood the game, that is.

Professionally, I pretty much exist in the land of discomfort. Business ownership is many things…exciting, rewarding, fulfilling, challenging. It’s also completely uncomfortable at times. There are so many moving parts to manage, coax, re-direct, not to mention the ‘unknowns’ that are hovering right around the corner, only an email or phone call away. I would be lying if I didn’t wonder to myself at times who picked me to be in charge. 

And yet…here I am.

Yes. Here I am, and here I remain. It’s not always an easy place to exist. The squeeze of pressure, the finality of decision making, the necessity of leading and providing a vision, the rawness that comes with discovering errors, the acceptance of making mistakes, the release of letting go, the strength required to start over again…these feelings are worth every single moment of discomfort.

Why?

Each uncomfortable situation provides the opportunity for me to feel the quiet thrill of being able to stay true to myself, my values, my standards. I am comfortable having discomfort be the backdrop for my life.

In fact, I enjoy it.